Control
by Anthy
Summary: Duo is involved in a serious accident that causes big changes in everyone's life. How will they go on. Warning! Angst and Shounenai. After 8 months! Chapter 10 is up!
1. Part I

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _This is a SHOUNEN-AI fic (1+2, 3+4), pretty safe to read (not lemon-y fresh) ^_^._

**

Control

**  
by Anthy

"Whoo-hoo! You all shall feel my wrath!" Duo screamed manically from within his Gundam. After dispatching the mobile suits in front of him, he found himself surrounded by more. Before he could make his next move, the suits were blasted from behind by Wing's cannon. Duo couldn't help but grin as Heero's face popped up on his monitor. 

"Looks like we've stepped on a very big bees nest!" Duo shouted as he flew up to his teammate. 

"Mission accomplished." Heero stated. Before they could make a fast escape, they were surrounded by all sides. 

"Here comes the workers! Where's the pesticide when you need it!" 

"Duo..." 

"You think you can destroy Death! Ha!" Duo whooped while he began swiping at the closest mobile suits, only to be replaced by more. "I think it's time for you to meet your maker!" 

"Duo, retreat now." Heero ordered as he blew away a clear path, "I'll cover you." 

"Oh no you won't," Duo stated as his scythe tore into a suit, "you'll just stick around and play Mr. Self-Destruct on us." 

"Du-" Heero started before Duo's face popped up on his screen. 

"There are too many of them, I know." Duo stated quietly, his violet eyes showing a brief flicker of fear. He grin faltered, but he resumed to smile. "You'll push that button the second I'm out of range. Better to lose one pilot than two, right? Either we fight our way out together, or Shinigami makes his final grand exit. Your pick." 

There was a brief moment of silence as Deathscythe continued its endless assault on the enemy. A suit flew up on Duo's blindside, only to be blown away by Heero. 

"Let's go." 

"All right! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Duo cheered as another OZ mobile suit fell victim to his scythe in an explosive display. 

"Behind you!" Heero shouted as he saw a large missile heading right towards Duo's Gundam. 

His warning came too late. . . 

* * *

**WINNER MANSION**

"Wonder how their mission is going. They should be back soon." Quatre mused as he tuned his violin. 

"They'll be fine as long as Heero doesn't kill Maxwell." Wufei answered from the nearby couch, his face buried deep into a book. Quatre made a brief face at the Chinese pilot before running his bow across the bridge of his violin. 

"Argh!" Wufei groaned as a very loud and grainy noise began to come from the instrument. Quatre stopped playing, humor dancing in his blue eyes. He turned towards the window and began to play a soft, melodious tune. Soon Wufei felt like he was outside himself, and the sun was dancing on the waves at his feet. He closed his eyes to enjoy the music when it suddenly stopped. He opened his eyes to see why Quatre had stopped playing, only to find Trowa standing in the doorway, his green eyes focused on the Arabian. Muttering silently to himself, Wufei resumed reading his book. 

"Hi Trowa," Quatre said cheerily, his chin still resting on the violin, "where are you headed?" 

"I've got rehearsal." he answered as he pulled on his jacket. "I'll be home later on tonight." 

"Um, I was wondering if, perhaps, uh," Quatre stammered, a small blush rising to his pale cheeks, "could I come along?" 

"Well I-" 

"I won't get in the way, promise, and I told Catherine I'd stop by more often and I have nothing better to do than worry about the other guys' mission and I'm really bored, I'm slipping into Duoism's, perish the thought, oh my gosh I'm babbling. . .or never mind I'll find something to do," Quatre rambled as he quickly placed the violin in it's case and began to toy with his vest. 

"Quatre." Trowa interupted, "I see no problem in you joining me. Would you like to come along Wufei?" 

"Un-uh. He wasn't kidding about the Duo stuff. By all means, take him. If he wants to ogle you all day is fine by me as long as I finish this book before Maxwell returns and ruins my state of mind." 

"NO!" Quatre screamed as his legs seemed to give way from beneath him. Wufei and Trowa quickly ran to the blond pilots side. Quatre was shaking violently, his hand clenched tightly to his chest. Trowa grabbed Quatre's shoulders gently and lightly shook him. 

"Quatre, what is the matter?" Trowa asked calmly, though deep inside he felt his fear growing. 

"Something is very wrong." Quatre gasped as the shaking subsided. The three pilots jumped as a butler entered carrying a telephone. 

"It's a Mr. Yuy asking for you, sir." the man stated. Wufei stood and took the phone, simply stating to the man that Quatre was unable to speak at the moment. Quatre watched in silence as Wufei's face changed from pure calm to an unreadable expression. The pilot did not exchange a word with Heero, he silently nodded his head. Quatre began to sense that Wufei had gone into some sort of shock. Hanging up the phone, Wufei stood staring at nothing, his eyes slowly reaching the other pilots. 

"It's Duo," he stated quietly. 

* * *

**PROVIDENCE HOSPITAL**

The three pilots reached the Intensive Care Unit in complete silence. Quatre was the first to spot Heero in the waiting room, his expression was unreadable, but he looked extremely pale. Quatre remembered to what Wufei had murmured after he informed the other pilots of the incident. 

_"Heero's voice. . ." _

"Heero!" Quatre cried as he ran up to him, "where's Duo? Is he ok? Where is he? Have you heard anything from the doctors? Damn it! Say something!" 

Heero looked up at the shout and looked at the distraught teen. He hadn't realized anyone was there at all. Trowa and Wufei walked up and Trowa placed a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder. Quatre choked back a sob as he turned and buried his face in Trowa's shoulder. 

"Everyone's hurting," he whispered, and Trowa pulled him into a quick hug. Wufei sat next to Heero and they both stared unseeingly at the wall. The four pilots stayed that way for what seemed to be an eternity when the doctor finally entered the room. The tall woman looked at the chart in her hand scanned the room. 

"Is the guardian of Duo Maxwell here?" she said softly. Quatre broke free of Trowa's embrace and walked up to the woman, he body language and voice completely professional. 

"My name is Quatre Winner, and I shall be taking all responsiblity for the cost of Mr. Maxwell's care." 

"Well, yes," she said, surprised. In all her years in this profession during the war, no person has ever claimed responsibility for an orphan. Not to mention that this boy seemed to be same age as the patient, if not younger. But she was no fool, she knew the Winner name well. "Mr. Winner, I'm Dr. Beacon. We've finally stabilzed Duo." 

"How is he?" 

"Duo sustained a concussion in the accident, but he was awake and alert when he was brought in by Mr. Yuy. He has a few bumps and bruises, which should heal within a few days--" 

"However," 

"However, the force of the impact had caused a blunt object to smash into his lower back causing trauma to his spine. We do believe a few vertebra has slipped and are preventing communication to the rest of his body--" 

"What are you saying?" Quatre said, his voice faltering. 

"He can't walk," Heero suddenly choked out, his voice calm and yet forced at the same time. "Duo couldn't walk. . ." 

"From what we can tell so far, he is paralyzed from the waist down." 

**To Be Continued. . .**


	2. Part II

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _This is a SHOUNEN-AI fic (1+2, 3+4), pretty safe to read (not lemon-y fresh) ^_^._

**

Control pt.2

**  
by Anthy

_Duo couldn't walk._

That sentence continued in Heero's mind like a broken record. He had failed his mission, and this was his punishment. 

_Either we fight our way out together, or Shinigami makes his final grand exit. Your pick._

"He couldn't. . .no!" Heero gasped, he found it very difficult to breathe. He didn't realize the other pilots surrounding him, and he didn't feel the injection inserted in his arm as Trowa and Wufei pinned him to the couch. All these new emotions, and he didn't understand any of them, except he wanted them to go away. The room began to spin around him and his world faded to black. 

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Behind you!" 

"Wha--aah!" 

Heero felt like his mind was outside his body. He was unable to move, unable to prevent the missile from crashing into Deathscthye's body. He could not scream as he saw Duo's body jostle about his harness before the screen fizzled to nothing. He was frozen, only able to watch as Duo's Gundam dropped from the sky and land face-up on the hard Earth. Smoke billowed up from its sides, and all Heero could hear was silence. 

"This is not happening," he whispered to himself. The mobile suits had lost all interest in Wing and they were all beginning to circle the downed pilot. The next few moments happened in a daze. Heero watched as suit after suit exploded by the blade that was presumbably controlled by his hands. He found that impossible, his thoughts were on his mission, and he would not fail. 

"Duo!" He screamed into the black screen. "You idiot, wake up! We were supposed to leave this mission together, remember? Wake up, damnit! If you do not acknowledge, I will self-detonate us both! Duo!" 

"Heero," Duo's weak voice cackled into the intercom, "what are you talking about?" 

"Retreat now, Duo!" 

"There's. . .something wrong," Duo muttered as the Deathscythe sputtered to life. "My head. . . I-I can't feel-" 

"No time." Heero snapped as he cleared a path of mobile suits, occasionally turning to see Deathscythe slowly follow. He couldn't help but notice the eerie silence as they flew past the exploding suits. 

"Duo, I need you to keep talking. You may have a concussion. . . Duo!" 

"Yeah. . ." 

"What is your status of your Gundam?" he asked, the inner workings of his mind refusing to ask about the pilot. There was a long cackled silence and Heero could hear Duo's hands clicking the keyboard. 

"It'll make it to the bunker. . . they're gonna have a hell of a time with repairs. . .auto-pilot on. . .Heero, I can't-" 

"Duo, we're safe," Heero stated as they approached the hidden garage. He couldn't shake the uneasiness he heard in his teammate's voice, nor the fact that he couldn't fly the rest of the way there. Once they landed, Heero jumped from his cockpit and climbed up to the entrance of Duo's Gundam. The hatch didn't open. Yanking the entrance door open, he peered inside. 

Duo was slumped forward in his harness, his face masked by his long, brown bangs. Faint bruises were seen on his pale face. 

"Come on, Duo," Heero whispered as he unfastened his harness. Duo's head moved slightly, causing Heero to look into those violet eyes. They were unfocused, and very full of fear. 

"I try to move my feet, but they won't. Where are they Heero? I can't feel them... are they there? I can't walk, I-" he choked out as Heero carefully lifted him out of the cockpit. Looking back at the pilot seat, Heero realized that it had folded in on itself and was in two separate pieces. He immediately regreted moving him, but something had to be done. Duo's eyes seemed to become more unfocused and his breath came out in short quick bursts as if he was unable to breathe. 

"You're going into shock," he stated to the trembling boy in his arms, even though he knew Duo didn't hear. Heero could barely remember what he had done next. Training told him to leave Duo behind and yet he found himself walking into the nearby hospital and was placing his friend on a gurney. After placing a brief call to the safehouse, he left the hospital and ran his escape vehicle into a deep ditch a mile away. Walking back to the hospital, he was directed to the ICU ward where he waited for word on his teammate's condition. 

_Duo couldn't walk._ _Duo couldn't walk._ _Duo couldn't walk._ _Duo couldn't walk. _

And it's my fault 

* * *

"Heero, Heero, can you hear me?" a soft voice whispered. Before he could answer, a bright light was flashed into his eye. He groaned as the light was moved to the other eye. He swatted the offending light away and sat up, suddenly realizing he was no longer sitting in the waiting room, but in a hospital bed. 

"Quatre, what happened?" Heero asked his teammate who was standing behind the doctor's shoulder. 

"You went into shock," she stated before stepping away from the bed. 

"That's impossible," he retorted matter-of-factly. He's been shot, beaten, bruised, stabbed, but none had ever fazed him for long. So why was this any different? 

"You were acting so strangely in the waiting room, we didn't even think you were in shock until you lost it." Quatre explained cautiously. Before Heero could react, the doctor placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

"Your friend will be fine. You passed out before I could tell everyone that there is a chance that Duo may be able to regain use of his legs. I can't make any guarantees yet, but if the x-rays show what I think it will show, once the swelling goes down, there is a possiblity we could operate." 

"Duo. . ." Heero muttered as he hopped off the bed, "where is he?" 

"We had him transferred to a private room, the others are with him now." Quatre informed him as he directed him down the hallway. 

Reaching the room, the two pilots found Wufei and Trowa standing in the hallway, both staring silently in the doorway. 

"Is everything alright?" Quatre asked nervously. Trowa nodded and stood next to his friend. 

"The nurses are checking up on him and we didn't want to get in the way." Wufei answered as the four pilots watched the nurses leave the room. Heero stood in the doorway and found he could move no further. Duo was even more pale than when he last saw him. The room was filled with random beeps and hisses from the various machines attached to Duo's body. On impluse, Heero walked up to the bed and put Duo's hand in his. Duo did not respond, his hand rested limply in Heero's grasp. 

"Duo?" 

"They gave him something to sleep. He was really upset about something, but he couldn't say anything with that air tube down his throat." Wufei said as he stood by his teammate. "We'll come back tommorrow." 

"No. I want to stay." Heero stated as he placed Duo's hand on the bed and sat in a nearby chair. 

"Hee-" Quatre began to protest when he was ushered outside by Trowa. Wufei took one last look at the bed before turning and leaving the room. 

"He has his reasons," Trowa said as the three walked down the hallway. _Even if he doesn't know what those reasons are._

**To Be Continued. . .**


	3. Part III

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _I am no doctor.So if there are any errors, remember this is all a figment of my overactive imagination. Any other knowledgeable errors were made for dramatic purposes.Oh yeah, and this fic is still a slight shounen-ai (1+2). ^_^._

**Control****  
by Anthy**

_Hiss.Beep, beep, hiss.Nurse.Pen scratch. . . Nurse leaves, hiss_,Heero thought to himself as his mind detected the rhythms of the still room.It had been hours since the other pilots had left.He wondered if he should had followed but he knew that there was something that needed to be done, that only he knew the answer to.__

_He was really upset about something, but he couldn't say anything with that air tube down his throat._

Looking across the small room, Heero could see the dark sky was slowly turning red through the thin beige curtains.Noting that the wall clock read 5 am, Heero decided to rest.Closing his eyes and leaning back into his chair, he commanded his body to sleep.His body listened--for about an hour.Suddenly, the rhythm of the room changed.The beeps from the monitor began to gain speed and the hisses seemed to be halted.Heero jumped up from his chair, wide-awake and completely alert.Duo's amethyst eyes were wide and searching as they stared at the ceiling.His upper body twitched as if unsure to move.His mouth moved, yet no sound came out.Standing by the bed, he pushed the nurses button and then reached for his teammate's hand.

"Duo, you're not captured.You are in a hospital." Heero stated in a calm voice.Duo's head turned slightly at his voice and managed a weak smile.The beeping slightly slowed to it's normal pace.Leaning forward so that Duo could see his face, Heero continued talking."You have a machine helping you breathe, that's why you are unable to talk.A nurse should be here soon.Do you understand?Squeeze my hand once for yes, twice for no."

_Yes_

"Do you know how you got here?"

_No_

"Do you know what happened?"

_No_

"Are you scared?"

_Yes/No_

Before Heero could ask any more questions, a tall brunette walked in with a bright smile on her face, and weaving a small cart.

"I see our little friend is wide awake!" she quirked as she took a brief glance at his chart."Looks like you it's time to take out Mr. Air Tube. You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?"

_What's she on?_ Duo's eyes seemed to express.

"Hn." Heero said as he took a step away from the bed.Duo kept a firm hold of his hand and would not let go.

"Your friend has the right idea, he'll be right here while I get you a little more comfortable, ok?"

_No_, Duo's hand squeezed before Heero broke free of his grasp. 

"I'll be out in the hallway." Heero said as he turned and walked out of the room.

"I don't care how strong he can appear to be," the nurse blurted out the second Heero left the room, "he's about as nervous as the rest of them.Show them strong silent types a bunch of medical equipment and they drop like flies."

* * *

"It's safe to go in now," the annoyingly chipper nurse said as she pushed her cart into the hallway, "just so ya know his voice is a little scratchy and I gave him another dose of his painkillers so he might get a little drowsy.You can talk to him for a while but I think it'd be best for you to go home and rest a little yourself, k?"

Heero nodded slightly to the woman and entered the room.Duo's bed was moved to a reclining position and he was gingerly sipping on a cup of water.

"And you thought I was annoying," Duo whispered lightly before motioning for Heero to sit beside him. 

"Hn."

"Oh, don't start going silent on me now that I can talk," Duo scolded before breaking into a series of coughs. "Well, somewhat."

"Duo," Heero warned as he sat on the bed beside him, "don't tempt me to silence you once more."

"And the pilot gains a sense of humor!" Duo slurred, his head leaning against the pillows. He looked absent-mindedly at the IV in his arm before placing it on the bed."This is some gooood stuff! I can't even feel my toes!"

"Duo, you can't feel your toes isn't because of the pain killers.When your Gundam got hit-"

"Something happened to my Deathscythe?Oh, Howard's gonna go nuts." Duo murmured, his eyes slowly closing shut.He was too drowsy to notice Heero wince at his comments.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Heero said, slowly pushing himself off the bed.Duo whimpered and grabbed onto Heero's arm.

"Don't go! I'm so scared of hospitals with them meanie doctors and scary nurses," he whined into Heero's shoulder.Heero sighed and positioned himself back on the bed.He knew his friend was acting oddly from the painkillers and from the fear of waking in an unfamiliar place._Why do I care anyway?_Heero sat on the bed and stared at the wall clock until he felt Duo's grasp on his arm relax and fall.He slowly stood from the bed and turned to look at his friend. 

_Tomorrow is going to be the most difficult day of Duo's life._

* * *

**To Be Continued. . .**

**Author's Note:**_Gomen ne for the short, short chapter, but Spring Break is over and Anthy is in a play (lines due tomorrow to boot!)Ah well, more coming soon._

**Chapter 4**_:More angst (me bitten by an Angst Demon) ^_^;;;.Happiness and WAFF. . . eventually (but not anytime soon, gomen nasai) :(Thanks for reading!~Anthy_


	4. Part IV

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:**Nothing new to report . . . except the usual:_I am no doctor.So if there are any errors, remember this is all a figment of my overactive imagination.Any other knowledgeable errors were made for dramatic purposes.Oh yeah, and this fic is still a slight shounen-ai (1+2).^_^._

**Control****  
by Anthy**

"I swear Quatre, these doctors must have way too much time on their hands or something.All day I've been poked, prodded, x-rayed, scanned, pricked, and all other weird methods or torture!Man, I swear they tried to electrocute me!" Duo groaned as he continuously flipped the buttons on the side of his bed, causing its ends to slowly rise and fall.Quatre sat in a nearby chair, his tear-stained face grinning at his friend's antics.

"Duo, please be careful!You already broke one bed today." Quatre scolded as he walked up to the bed.Snatching the remote, he set it back into a reclining position."Besides, you need to get some rest."

"What I need is to get out of here." Duo argued as he grabbed for the remote."I swear, if they don't get me, boredom will!"When he realized the remote was out of reach, Duo looked at his friend with large puppy-dog eyes.Quatre sighed in defeat and tossed the remote at the brown-haired pilot, who in turn resumed his bed aerobics.

"You are staying in here until the doctor's let you out." Quatre playfully scolded as he sat back in his chair.Duo stopped playing with the remote and looked at his friend.The room became silent save for the soft hum of the bed settling back into its original position.

"Um, Quatre?" he asked, his eyes slowly dropping to his lap.

"Yes, Duo?"

"Were the docs telling the truth?I mean, I will walk again, right?"

"I hope so," Quatre said, jumping from the chair and wrapping his arms around his friend. "I really hope so."

"Aw, now don't go crying again," Duo snapped playfully while slapping Quatre's arm. "Hey!Where are the others?Betcha they hate hospitals as much as I do."

"Well," Quatre explained as he settled back into his chair, "Trowa missed a day at the circus so he's working overtime, uh, Heero said he had a mission and would drop by later, and Wufei absolutely refused to come."

"Scared." Duo and Quatre both stated with a knowing nod.

"You tell Wu-man to overcome that fear and visit," Duo said between chuckles, "if not, he can forget me calling him Wufei ever again."

"Duo. . ."

"Ok, maybe on special occasions."Duo relented as he looked in the doorway, only to be greeted to the sight of a very distraught Hilde.

"Duo!" she cried as she ran to the bed and put her arms around Duo in a tight death grip.

"Hilde!" he gasped out, "What are you doing here?"

"Heero tracked me down and told me everything." Hilde explained before slapping Duo in the back of the head.

"What was that for?"

"Trying to be a hero and getting yourself paralyzed!You could have been killed, damn it!" she snapped.Taking a deep breath, Hilde relaxed and dropped a rather large bag on Duo's legs. 

"Hilde!For the first time today, I'm almost grateful I didn't feel that!"Duo grumbled before eyeing the bag. "There better be something for me in that bag or I'll-"

"Some snacks," she said as she opened the bag, "a few mangas to read, and a change of clothes for when they let you out of here.In all black, of course."

"Oh, Hilde," Duo exclaimed as he threw his arms around her, "I'm so glad you came!You're a lifesaver."

"Actually, you should be thanking Heero too.He, um, well . . .helped." Hilde admitted, causing loud gasps from Quatre and Duo.

"No way!"Duo laughed.

"Mmm-hmmm, believe it.Anyway, he couldn't come cuz of some mission, but he told me to give you this."Hilde said as she handed him a small scrap of paper.

"What does it say?" Quatre asked.Duo unfolded the scrap and read silently before refolding it and placing it in a nearby drawer.

"Nothing," Duo murmured, his face breaking into a small smile, "nothing at all."

* * *

**To Be Continued. . .**

**Author's Note:**_Another short chapter!*dodges flying furniture* I'm really, really sorry, but it's Hell Week in the theatre and I'm really strapped for time. (excuses, excuses, Anthy )I promise more soon. Thank you so much for all the support and keep on reviewing! ^_^_****


	5. Part V

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:**Nothing new to report . . . except the usual:_I am no doctor.So if there are any errors, remember this is all a figment of my overactive imagination.Any other knowledgeable errors were made for dramatic purposes.Oh yeah, and this fic will eventually be shounen-ai (1+2 mostly).^_^._

**Control****  
by Anthy**

Duo knew that today was special the second he woke to the sound of water hitting his window.He had practically begged the nurse to crack open the window.He rarely saw rain—at least the natural, made-by-Earth kind.

"It's supposed to storm all day," the nurse groaned. "You'll probably get some good light shows.Well, Dr. Beacon should be stopping by in a while . . . she sounded very optimistic on the phone."

Duo could barely hear her as he stared in deep fascination at the view outside his window.He kept getting distracted by the nurse, who after sticking a temperature-reading device in his ear was now inspecting his IV.

"Is your friend coming by?" the nurse asked, making various notes on Duo's chart.

"Quatre?" Yeah, he comes by every day," he replied as she began to check his blood pressure.

"Oh, you make it sound like you've been in here forever," she mused as she finished her morning check. "It's only been a week and I wasn't talking about him, you know who, that Mr. Strong and Silent type.Haven't seen him in a while.Don't tell me I scared him off."

Duo grinned at the thought.The nurse shrugged and left to finish her rounds.Duo turned of the light over his bed and looked out the window.

The outside world seemed to be blanketed in a light fog, everything in many different shades of gray.The steady fall of raindrops seemed to melt in the gray fog; only the sound of them hitting the Earth could be heard.Every now and then brilliant flashes of light would be seen, followed by a deafening rumble that would rival any cannon blast.The rain began to fall heavier, large drops could be seen from the filtered daylight.Suddenly, a large lightning bolt cut through the sky in front of Duo's window, followed by a loud crash of thunder.

"Fighting the good fight, eh, Nature?" Duo grinned as he closed his eyes. "Just don't try and one up Wing's cannon, you wouldn't have a chance." As in retort, a larger and brighter line broke through the clouds."Stand corrected."

"Hey Duo." Quatre warily said as he flopped down in his usual chair. The blond Arabian's hair was plastered to his head, his tan khakis damp from the knee down.A large umbrella fell from his hand causing a large wet slapping sound on the floor."Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"You can see outside better this way.Isn't it beautiful?"

"It sure is," Quatre admitted, "as long as you don't have to be in it. Any news?"

"Nothing." Duo shrugged as he turned around to face his friend. "No tests, anything, just more of the same.The rain stopped." 

"I see." Quatre sighed. He was probably more frustrated than Duo, and he was so tired.In the past week he barely slept, and he spent all his waking hours at Duo's beside or convincing the other pilots to visit.But they wouldn't.Not even Heero; when he returned from his mission he marched straight into his room and locked the door.Trowa never visited the mansion.He remained at the circus, unexpected crowds his excuse.Only Wufei was honest.When Quatre had approached him, Wufei exploded.

"I don't want to go back there and see him laid up like that!He doesn't even pretend to be happy anymore, and when he does it's pathetic.It's not fair, they say he may walk, and then they say he may not.Then the tests . . . I'm. Not. Going."

Quatre looked at his friend, looking so small in the oversized hospital gown, his long brown hair in desperate need of a brush, but what always made Quatre want to cry were Duo's eyes.Those once bright and vibrant violet eyes were now listless and dull.Duo's seemed to sink into the bed, as if the paralysis spread to his upper body as well.Most of the time Duo would just lay there and stare at the walls, his still cheery voice resonated in Quatre's ears as a cruel lie.Hilde's gifts where scattered on the bedside table, untouched.Occasionally Duo would look to the table's drawer and a small smile would cross his lips, but he never moved.

"Quatre?" Duo asked, slightly lifting his head off the pillow. "You spaced out on me . . . when was the last time you slept?"

"December." Quartre replied as they both laughed.It was faked, but they both felt it would make the other feel better. There was a quick knock on the door as Dr. Beacon walked in.She was a young for a surgeon, but she happened to be the best in the area. 

"Hi Duo," she said as she walked up to his bed. "Quatre. How are you guys doing today?"

"Hey Mavis!" Duo exclaimed as he leaned back into the pillows.Dr. Beacon gave him a playful-stern look, and then looked to a very confused Quatre."He finds my name to be hilarious."

"No, I find your parents to be hilarious." Duo said through a yawn."Mavis."

"Duo." Quatre scolded as he turned to the doctor."Any news?"

"As a matter a fact, I do.The swelling in your back has gone done considerably and this last set of tests showed that . . ."

Duo couldn't believe what she was telling them.It just didn't make sense.This was supposed to be his special day and this was not what he wanted to hear.As he listened to her continue, he felt the fear grow deeper in his spine.He didn't like the wary smiles on their faces and he didn't want to hear another word.Closing his eyes, Duo did the only thing he could think of doing. ..

He screamed.

* * *

**To Be Continued. . .**

**Author's Note:**_More soon! The other pilots don't show up until the next chapter. _


	6. Part VI

Control **Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _I'm still not a doctor! But I did a little research! If there are any errors, either accidental or not, I apologize now. Oh, and another thing. I had intended to have all the pilots in this chapter. . . not quite yet._

**

Control

**  
by Anthy

_0300 hours_

Heero stared absently at the clock beside his bed, the red flourescent glow the only light in the darkened room. Laying on his back, Heero closed his eyes and ordered his body to sleep. As on command, his muscles relaxed and his pulse and breathing slowed to a steady rhythm. _5 hours minimum_, he instructed himself as tried to clear his thoughts. Instead, images flashed through his mind, images that ran through his mind for days and would not disappear. His breath caught, yet he again commanded his body to sleep. After lying there for what felt was more than five hours, Heero sat up in bed. Opening his eyes, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, ready to start his day. Heero froze as he looked around the empty room of the safe house. Something was incredibly wrong. The room was still dark. Heero picked up the bedside clock; 3:15am it read. 

_Impossible,_ he scoffed as he laid back onto the bed. Since the day Heero knew how to crawl he had been trained to control himself and his surroundings. Sleeping had been one of his first lessons. Time, he had learned, was all part of the mind--easy to control. But tonight it seemed, time had become his enemy. No matter how long he commanded his body to rest, time told him he slept less than his felt. Thats not right, he reasoned, his body was indeed tired, his mind was not. Rolling onto his side, Heero looked to the empty bed beside his. It was still the way his teammate had left it, the blankets thrown haphazardly on the corner of the bed and clothes scattered all around the floor. 

Heero stood and slowly walked over to Duo's bed. He proceeded to make the bed, making sure that all the wrinkles were straightened. Once satisfied with the results, he then gathered the clothes on the floor and laid them in a neat pile. Looking at the now uniformly clean area, Heero felt a dull pain in his chest. He stood there, suddenly aware that his breathing had become irregular. His lungs expanded and caught, then spasmed as he exhaled. Placing a hand to his face, he realized that his cheeks were damp. Perspiration fell from his eyes, and it seemed to be related to the shaking of his lungs. 

_What is this?_ Heero thought as his body slid to the floor. As he sat there, his body acted on it's own, and eventually the pain subsided and he was able to control his breathing once more. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Heero reached for the corner of Duo's bed. With a hard tug, the blanket fell into a humpled heap on the floor. _Duo. . ._

The unfortunate accident to his teammate was having an unknown effect on him. Even while on mission, his mind revisited that night. Many questions were raised that he could not answer. What puzzled him most was his own behavior. First was the incident at the hospital, then Hilde. He did not know why he had contacted her. Sure, she was Duo's closest friend, and she could have delivered the neccessary items that Heero could not. Heero had known he would be late arriving for his mission that day, but he had contacted the girl anyway. After packing a large bag with the things he knew Duo would _need_, reason told him to leave the bag on the porch and leave. However, he had spent that day dragging the girl through the nearby shopping center, quickly buying things that Duo might _want_. 

_"Duo reads these sometimes, doesn't he? Pick up the most recent. . . He eats those often, I recognize the package. . . "_

Heero remembered saying those things, though he himself never really acknowledged Hilde's presense, he merely brought her along. He had then tore a scrap a paper and hastily written on it. What he had said on the note he could not remember, only that he had to write it. Throwing it in the bag, he sent the bewildered girl on her way, briefly noteing that Duo and Hilde's personalities were somewhat similar. She ranted and raved all through the trip to the mall, often threatening to scream she was being kidnapped by a madman.

The mission had gone smoothly. It had taken longer than he had planned, but he found the information Doctor J needed and that was the important thing, wasn't it? Arriving back at the safehouse, Heero found that he could not bring himself to return to the hospital. He spent most of his time locked in their room, typing up various reports and waiting for a mission to arrive. Doing those activities passed the time, though he found it difficult without Duo's distractions. Yesterday he had turned on Duo's radio full blast, yet as he continued typing Heero half expected to feel an all to familar arm wrap around his shoulders, a certain long brown braid brushing across his keyboard. More than anything, he expected his presense. 

He waited for that loud voice of Duo's to sound over the speakers, talking about this or that; ranting about how silent Heero was being. Then Duo would start singing in badly accented Japanese, Heero would mildly correct him in German, causing Duo to make lewd jokes in French. Heero would then pretend to ignore him as he finished his report; Duo still rambling in various languages before complaining about wanting something to eat. Suddenly there was a loud rapping at his door, Wufei complaining to him to turn that music off. Turning to look at his partner, he found the bed to be empty. _Strange. . ._ Heero had thought as he turned off the radio. 

Finding work impossible, he had went downstairs to see a very defeated Quatre walk through the doorway. He face was red and splotchy and the blonde pilot looked completely withdrawn and tired. Sitting an the couch, Quatre turned his head at Heero and attempted a weak smile. 

"He's coming home." Heero remembered Quatre calmly stating, "He didn't want the surgery. . . it was too risky, he said . . . he freaked out. . . he's coming home." 

_He didn't want the surgery. Duo had an opportunity and passed on it. Why? Why did he give up?_ Heero thought as the pain in his chest began to grow. The lights from his laptop came to life, breaking through his reverie. Heero quickly stood and walked over to the desk, only pausing to kick the clothes pile as he walked by. Reading the mission, he quickly accepted it and left the room. 

_I need to regain control . . . must complete mission. . . Duo is not my mission . . . Duo . . ._

**Two weeks later**

Heero stood in the doorway of the plain two-story house and observed the surroundings. He was told that the other pilots made this their safe house because it was closer to the hospital and Duo had refused to stay in Quatre's large mansion. Walking down the narrow hallway, Heero surveyed the new surroundings. The staircase was to his right, it probably lead to the pilot's rooms. To the left was a large opening supported by two pillars, and the space it lead to could easily have been a former living room or dining room. A chandelier hung from the ceiling but the rest of the room was bare. Another room was connected to it with the same pillared opening. From where Heero was standing, he could see a television sitting in the corner. Sounds came from it softly, but other than that the house was virtually silent. Heero heard rustling sounds from the small door at the end of the hallway. Walking to the room, he encountered a fairly large kitchen. Wufei entered from the back pantry, a pot in his hands. After briefly glaring at Heero, he scoffed before heading towards the stove. 

"So you're back," Wufei snorted as he slammed the pot down with a clang. Heero grunted in reply and sat at the table. Wufei continued what he was doing in silence, occasionally stopping at the door next to the sink. "Duo's room." he explained coldly before continuing his tasks. Heero did not understand Wufei's attitude toward him, however he headed towards the open doorway, only to be blocked by Wufei. 

"Before you go in there, you've got to understand a few things. First, Trowa's away on a mission, Quatre should be back any minute. Second, on the refrigerator is Duo's schedule. It must be followed. Third, he shouldn't even be here." the Chinese boy hissed in hushed tones. "He should have just gone to the rehabilitation center like they insisted. Until a mission comes around, you work. If not, you're out of here. And next time tell someone if you are leaving, this time someone's life might depend on it." 

Heero started to open his mouth to respond when a faint unfamiliar voice was heard in the other room. 

"Wufei. . ." 

Wufei pushed the other pilot aside and entered the room. Heero followed behind him, only to realize that this was the same room with the television. _I didn't even realize anyone was here. . ._ Duo was lying on the couch, a foldable wheelchair was placed where he could reach it. At a first glance, both pilots could see that Duo was in pain. 

"My head hurts," Duo whimpered as he ran a hand over his flushed face. His voice was unrecognizable, as if he nose was pinched. Duo's eyes were clenched shut and Heero noticed that one of his legs were jerking back and forth spastically. However, the movement seemed beyond Duo's control. 

"How?" Heero asked as Wufei walked up to Duo and felt his pulse. Wufei shook his head and then pushed Duo up into a sitting position. Heero stood there as Wufei began to loosen Duo's clothes. 

"Heero, hand me those pillows by you, please. I need to check his catheter." Wufei ordered as he used his body to support Duo's. Duo moaned and layed his head on Wufei's shoulder. "Don't just stand there!" 

Heero stood there as he realized that his legs refused to move. Wufei grunted and frustation and picked up Duo in his arms and set him in his wheelchair. 

"Sorry I had to move you, but you need to sit up for awhile. Are you feeling like you need to throw up? Ok, it looks like your catheter needed replacing anyway." 

Duo made slight whimpering noises as Wufei calmly continued working. Heero could only watch as Wufei moved back and forth from the kitchen, each time with something new. Duo's violet eyes opened slightly. They looked absently at the wall as Wufei worked, and he seemed completely emotionless until he saw Heero. A small grin came to his face before breaking into a yawn. 

"Hey Heero!" he exclaimed quietly, his voice still a little nasally. "When did you get in? Aren't you going to say hi? Hee-" 

Before Duo could finish, Heero abruptly turned and walked back into the kitchen. He leaned against the wall by the sink, his breath coming in quick gasps. Wufei stormed back into the kitchen and glared at him. 

"Autonomic dysreflexia*, look it up. I forgot to mention that one. Damn it, Heero! You need to act quick, if you don't move fast. . ." 

"I couldn't. . ." 

"I saw that! I don't know what's wrong with you Yuy, but at any rate your being here isn't making this easy for him. You're only making it worse." 

"What's going on?" Quatre asked as he entered the kitchen, immediately dropping the bags in his hand. 

"Duo had another episode. I took care of it." Wufei said, his eyes still locked on Heero's face. 

"I'm going to check up on him," Quatre said as he entered the living room, only to find Duo silently sobbing in the chair. 

"I didn't, I was, but I," Heero whispered, his mind not comprehending anything. All he knew was he did not like the look Wufei was giving him, and he definately despised the growing hollow feeling in his heart. "I don't know what's happening to me." 

"Well, figure it out." Wufei spat at him, his voice low. "Until then, we don't need you here." 

Heero pushed Wufei aside and rushed down the hallway and out the door. 

_ I have to know, I have to learn . . . but why?_

"Miss Darlian," an attendant rapped lightly at her door. 

"Yes, Charles?" Relena looked up from the book she was reading. 

"A Mr. Yuy is here to see you." 

"Heero!" Relena exclaimed as she jumped from her bed and ran out the door. 

"He's waiting for you in the study!" Charles called out as she rushed past him. "Ah, youth." He chuckled as he closed the door. 

Relena ran down the hallway and down the stairs, her heart racing as fast as her feet were. _He came! To see me!_ her mind cheered. She slowed her pace to a stop, momentarily considering if Heero had finally come to kill her. "No, that couldn't be it," she reasoned. "If he came to kill me, Charles would be dead by now."

With a light giggle, she entered the study, only to freeze in her tracks. Heero was standing there, his face streaked with tears. If it wasn't for the tears, she wouldn't have known anything was wrong at all. Running to him, Relena threw her arms around him in a tight hug. Heero's body stayed completely still. Before Relena could release her grip, strong arms wrapped around her waist and he placed his head on her shoulder. 

"I need your help." he whispered. 

And he began to cry. 

**To Be Continued**

*Professional Medical Note: "Autonomic dysreflexia is a syndrome characterized by abrupt onset of excessively high blood pressure caused by uncontrolled sympathetic nervous system discharge in persons with spinal cord injury. Persons at risk for this problem generally have injury levels above T-6. True autonomic dysreflexia is potentially life-threatening and is considered a medical emergency." 


	7. Part VII

Control **Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _I'm still not a doctor! Dramatic liberties taken on certain things, but not really in this chapter. If there are any errors, either accidental or not, I apologize now. Oh, and another thing. This one's a doozy! Surprises by all involved (luv ya sis, sorry about the shock!) ^_^_

**

Control

**  
by Anthy

Relena held Heero close as he continued to sob in her arms. She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she knew that she had to stay strong for now. Looking down, she could see Heero whimpering against her shoulder, a strong hand gripping onto her arm. _Almost like a child. . ._ Suddenly Heero stood and released his grip, all signs that he was crying only evident on his face. His deep blue eyes were rimmed red, but inside the fire that once shown through the tears had disappeared. That Heero had left, the trained soldier had returned. 

"Why were you crying?" she asked carefully. Heero wiped the tears from his face and looked incredulously at his hand before acknowledging her. 

"Is that what this was?" Heero inquired as he sat in a nearby chair. Relena sat in the nearby chair. She was still unsure of his intentions for being here, or why he was so upset earlier. Quelching the fears in her heart, Relena reached over and took Heero's hand in hers. 

"Something hurt you?" 

"That is impossible, I can not feel." Heero snapped, turning away from her. Realizing that she still had a firm grip on his hand, he sat back against the chair and glared at her. Slowly retracting his hand, he turned his head and began to stare blankly at the wall in front of him. "However there is something, I am unable to identify. . . it's inside of me." 

"What is?" 

"I am not sure. Many things. I am unable to think of these things now, they cause me to . . . react in a way I am unfamiliar to." 

"You mean that thinking about it makes you cry?" she asked hopefully. Heero nodded and continued to stare ahead at the wall. They sat in silence for a long period of time, the only sound was the old grandfather clock in the corner. "That is a good thing." Relena suddenly blurted out. Heero turned at her in surprise and she smiled sweetly at him. "There's nothing wrong here, Heero. You're just experiencing something you never have before. Somehow you've started to feel emotions, you just don't know what they are." 

"Can you help?" Heero asked in the same, cold monotone voice. The light that Relena had thought disappeared surfaced in Heero's eyes. 

"Of course I will! I'll do the best I can." she exclaimed while enveloping Heero in a quick hug. Sitting back in her chair, she tried to sound as professional as possible. "Now, what could have caused you to feel?" 

Heero shrugged his shoulders as his head slowly lowered. He stared at his hands, his mind trying to answer a question that he did not understand. However, all his thoughts were clouded. All he could see was Wufei's glare, and Duo's prone body laying on the couch. 

"Duo. . ." he breathed, not even realizing that he had been heard. 

"What about him?" Relena asked as she leaned forward in her chair. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't put a face to it. Duo was probably another pilot, but the way Heero had said his name . . . 

"He was injured in a mission about a month ago." 

"Oh my God, is he okay?" 

"Paralyzed from the waist down. There is a procedure that could regain the feeling in his legs, but he refused. I want to assist him, but I am unable to." he stated, his voice growing silent. "He was always helping me when I don't need him to, and now I am unable to return the favor." 

"You two were close friends, weren't you?" 

"Negative." Heero said, his eyes still glued to the ground. "Duo was always talking, he never shut up. He never left me alone, especially when I was working. He was reckless in battle and acted like a complete idiot the rest of the time. But he's really smart, always hacked into my computer when I was not looking. I had threatened to kill him approximately 106 times, almost followed through 4 . . . Duo was always able to escape in time to harass Wufei." 

"Was? You are talking like he's not alive." Relena pressed as she reached over and placed a hand on Heero's shoulder. He pushed her hand away and stood abruptly, his body suddenly tense. 

"He's not living, Relena! I do not call whatever Duo is going through now is not living!" he screamed as tears began to well and fall from his eyes. "That is not the Duo I know! He just lays there, silent and ill. . . unable to, to . . . I don't . . . why does this hurt?" 

Relena sat, frozen by the sudden outburst. Heero's body began to tremble and he slowly slid to the floor. He curled into a fetal position, his arms wrapped tight around his stomach. Relena quickly dropped to the floor and gathered Heero's head onto her lap. Stroking his hair, she felt the tears she fought hard to hide fall from her face. "Heero," she whispered, "it's all right. Everything will be all right." She continued to whisper that sentence over and over again, briefly praying that what she said would come true. Heero continued crying, his hands clutching tightly to Relena's skirt. Eventually he stopped crying, but he still stayed where he was, staring blankly ahead of him. 

"It just doesn't compute," he murmured as he wiped away tears. "Duo's all I think about when I am not thinking about missions. Even when I, I-I would be on a mission, I sometimes wonder what he would be up to. But now that he's hurt, I just . . . I just see him there, laying there miserable and I . . . just want to see him back the way he was." 

While Heero spoke, a thought crossed her mind. Pushing it aside, it returned full force. It didn't make sense, and yet it was the only solution. It didn't sound right in her mind, so she whispered it out loud. "You love him." 

"Love?" he asked, turning his head slightly to look at Relena's eyes. Relena found herself looking at a lost child, a child whose eyes were filled with fear and confusion. Staring into those eyes, she couldn't help but smile. 

"The only thing that you can't control." she said softly. Taking a deep breath, Relena continued to explain. "Heero, I love you. I love you even when you tried to kill me, and I love you now even though I know in my heart that you love someone else. I can't change that. I try not to, I practically know little about you, but I still love you the same." 

"I'm sorry, Relena, but I don't know what love is." Heero stated as he pushed himself up. 

"No one really does." she shrugged. "Love is such an enigmatic thing. Love is so many emotions, thoughts, feelings . . . it is the basis of all emotions. All feelings are that way. You can give them a simple word, but they can mean so much more. Happy, sad, mad, scared, you were trained to control those feelings, but love, love cause all of those emotions." 

"Is that . . . how you feel . . . about me?" he asked slowly, his mind slowly processing the information. 

"Yes. I am happy right now because I see you, and can hug you." she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his forehead. "I'm so happy just to hear your voice. I'm sad because you are sad and don't even know it. It makes me mad as well. I'm so scared that I may never see you again, that you may lose what ever feelings you may have now." 

"I don't understand. Happy? They are just words to me, they mean nothing." 

"But you feel something, and that's what that word is. You just have to learn them." Relena implored as she took Heero's shoulders and pushed him so that their eyes met. "Tell me this, how do you feel when you see Duo?" 

"When I see him, I feel warm. Sometimes if I am unable to see him, just hearing his voice has the same effect as well. I feel . . . secure, I guess. I sometimes feel like touching him, only there is no real motive to. I don't, because when I attempt to I feel unconfortable, as if I am anticipating an attack so I avoid the conflict entirely. There's a hollow feeling that corresponds with it, sometimes causing that crying response. It hurts even though I am not ill or physically injured. That is what I felt when I saw Duo today and Wufei yelled at me. I came to you because I feel secure around you. . . does that mean I love you too?" 

"People love many things, just in different levels and different ways. Love is such a broad word, the most difficult emotion in the world. We have all night to talk about it, but you won't be able to learn everything you want to know. Most people learn from just going on with their lives, running away from it is not the solution." Relena said as she stood and offered her hand to Heero. 

"Love is hard." he admitted as he took her hand. 

"It sometimes stinks." she unknowingly said out loud as she playfully pulled Heero's arm, throwing the already half-standing pilot to topple forward. Falling back into the chair, she began to laugh as she pushed Heero off of her. He fell to the floor, confusion etched on his face. 

"It has an odor as well?" 

******************************************************************************************* 

Wufei walked in to the dimly lit room and looked around. The television was still on, the images of the screen making creative shadows on the dark walls. A small lamp was on by the couch. Duo was propped up by a pile of pillows, and he was slowly flipping through an old magazine. His long brown hair was unbraided from when Quatre had brushed it, the soft locks causing a blanket around his body. Wufei walked up to Duo and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Without acknowledgment, Duo lifted up his left arm and continued to read. 

Wufei chuckled lightly as he attached the cuff of the sphygmomanometer onto his upper arm. He began to pump air into the cuff, pausing when the pressure reached the right level. Removing the stethoscope from around his neck, Wufei quickly placed the earpieces in his ears and the end on Duo's arm. Releasing the air, he carefully listened to Duo's pulse while reading the gauge at the pump. He quickly did the math in his head and looked at the chart sitting next to the lamp. _The things you learn. . ._

"Your blood pressure is back to normal. Is your headache gone?" he asked as he removed the cuff from Duo's arm. Duo nodded before tossing the magazine aside and reached for the remote. "I'll check on you again tomorrow." 

"Thanks Wufei. I think I'll stay up for awhile." Duo quietly said as Wufei headed to the door. Wufei paused and walked back to the couch. 

"It's Wuffie, remember?" he said softly, the tension from the past few weeks creeping into his usually calm voice. Duo looked up into Wufei's dark brown eyes and grinned, the smile not quite reaching his violet eyes. 

"I'm sorry for the names, Wufei. I just thought that since you've been so nice to me lately that it wouldn't be right to-" 

"Damnit, Maxwell!" Wufei shouted as he threw the stethoscope in his hand to the ground. "I'll tell you what's right, and you going around calling me something you usually don't is not right!" He expected for Duo to yell back at him, or joke on how he lost his cool--anything. Wufei wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. Looking at the brown-haired pilot, he saw that Duo's eyes were wide and filled with fear. That was the last thing he wanted to see, and it was breaking his heart. "I'm sorry, Duo. I just. . ." 

"It's okay, Wufei. I didn't mean to upset you. You're just tired, that's all." Duo said softly, the false smile again crossing his face. 

"Yeah . . . tired." Wufei said defeatedly as he picked up the stethoscope. Acting on impulse, he leaned over and kissed Duo on the forehead. "Good night, Maxwell." 

"Night, Wufei." 

Leaving the room, Wufei slowly walked down the narrow, dark hallway. Pausing at the end of the stairs, Wufei leaned against the rail and held back a sob. He was tired, so very tired. Sleep didn't come easy, and now that he had a chance, he knew it would be impossible. Spinning on his heel, he walked to the front door and stepped out onto the porch. The cool night breeze struck him immediately, and he felt his body relax. Wufei hadn't been out doors in days, staying by Duo's side the moment he left the hospital. He sat on the old porch swing and looked out at the dark, empty street. He wondered how beautiful the city lights would look like from the top of Nataku, but his heart commanded him to stay. 

It had been weeks since his last mission, Trowa and Quatre were always away on missions. They had also completed some of Duo's missions, leaving Wufei at the safehouse to play nurse. Not that it had bothered him, it was that it was now becoming to be too much. _If only Heero was here,_ Wufei thought sourly, _things would be a lot easier on everyone, especially Duo._

"It's late." Heero's cold monotone broke through his reverie. Wufei turned his head to see Heero climb up the porch stairs. 

"I needed some air." Wufei snapped before looking out at the night sky. He had expected for Heero to head into the house and up to Heero's precious room, but instead he sat down in the swing next to him. Wufei scoffed and the two pilots sat in a long silence. Suddenly, the silence began to press on Wufei's shoulders like a dead weight. 

"You know Duo doesn't call me those childish nicknames anymore? He actually apologized to me! And you know what I did? I blew up at him, that's what I did!" he began to ramble; the thoughts that had plagued his mind for days flowing out into the air. Wufei had to tell somebody, someone needed to understand. 

"Meiran was like that, always doing things when I told her not to. Got it into her head that she was Nataku. Wanted me to call her that anyway. I told her that her name was Meiran, she'd tell me her name was Nataku. We'd argue like that for hours. She was passionate about everything she did, if she believed, it became a part of her. When she died, I finally came to believe she was Nataku. I never got to tell her . . . I miss her." 

Wufei stopped, tears falling from his eyes. He had made himself vunerable, and he didn't care. He didn't care that it was the person who probably cared about nobody but who he was trained to care about. The two people he cared about the most were gone; one is lost to him forever and one may never return. "I miss them." 

Heero looked at Wufei and smiled. "I miss him too." 

**To Be Continued**

******************************************************************************************** 

AN: **sphygmomanometer**- blood pressure measuring device, um, pronounciation unknown to author. My scientist of a little brother may know (think Dexter's lab), but alas, he's asleep. (1:30 am CST) ^_^

I honestly am surprised with myself! I know this was supposed to be an angst-filled romance. I wanted a clear cut, 1+2 with a maybe if time allowed 3+4. I don't know where Wufei (or Relena) came into the picture (inspiration is a funny thing). Now I have, heck, I don't even know what I have anymore! I'm thinking it's an angst-filled 1+2, 5+2, and dare I say R+1! Sorry about the angst (it's getting depressing for me!). Don't fret, sap will be had by all in the following chapters. I'm aiming for a WaFF and possible sequel!! Thank you (x1000) for all of the great reviews!!! 


	8. Part VIII

Control **Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

**Author's note:** _OOC abound (I think) but in good reason. Oh yeah, I haven't had a change heart, so its still shounen-ai._

**

Control

**  
by Anthy

"I miss them." 

Heero looked at Wufei and smiled. "I miss him too." 

Wufei turned from Heero's view and lowered his eyes. "What happened, Heero?" he whispered, his thoughts immediately returning to the injured pilot he yelled at earlier. Tears fell onto his lap as they ran down his cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away. "How did he get this way? It just doesn't make sense." Wufei felt Heero's strong hand squeeze his shoulder lightly. Heero stood and walked over to the doorway. Leaning against it, Heero's eyes clenched shut at the memories. 

"It happened so fast," Heero murmured, "but still it doesn't make sense. I've replayed the events over and over in my mind, but something just wasn't ri-" 

_Either we fight our way out together, or Shinigami makes his final grand exit. Your pick._

"-ght. . ." Heero gasped, his eyes flying open. "Wufei, where is Duo's Gundam?" 

"It was sent to Howard for repairs." Wufei answered, previous emotions forgotten. "Heero what are you-" 

"Where is the location?" Heero interrupted, mind reeling with information long forgotten. Wufei sputtered out the coordinates and Heero ran off the porch and into the night. 

Heero parked the stolen Jeep at the base of the forest. Reaching the hangar would have been too risky with his own Gundam, and it had taken him until daybreak to reach its location. The sky was painted in various red and pink hues as the golden sun crept from the horizon. Heero sat and briefly admired the scene, a small smile crept upon his face. 

"Duo would have said a day like this would be special," he sighed as he jumped out of the vehicle. 

_"Since you're not talking. . .as usual, I'll talk for you. How far to our destination, I'm starving. Hey Heero, look at that sky! Isn't that beautiful? That means that today is special. You know why? Of course not. Today is special because it means that whatever happens, it will never happen again. It's beauty makes us remember how special it is, and how life on the outside, nature, can remind us how great it is to be alive. . . and that we have to live. Betcha didn't think I could be philosophical, did ya? Hell, the day that you think anything was beautiful would be pretty special."_

"Today is special, Duo," he whispered as he been to walk through the trees, "you were beautiful that day. I never forgot. I never will. But I just don't understand how. . ." 

Heero continued to walk in silence to the hangar, his emotional mask firmly in place. He knew that for this mission to succeed, he had to stay focused. 

"Heero!" Howard yelled when he saw the brown-haired pilot enter the make-shift garage. The older man could tell that there was something different about the boy, but he knew better not to ask questions. "I'm on the platform. How's Duo?" 

Heero swiftly climbed the ladder and stood beside the mechanic. "No improvement. What is the current status of the Gundam?" 

"A complete wreck, let me tell you. I had a hell of a time finding spare parts." he said, wiping his hands on his khaki shorts. Picking a clipboard off the floor, he handed it to Heero. "Here's an analysis of the damage. The worst was in the rear, impact practically folded the rear half of the cockpit, looks like it shattered from the impact of the ground. Thermal blast?" 

"No." Heero answered, looking at the newly installed cockpit. "A missile." 

"Heero, you know and I know that doesn't make a lick of sense." Howard scoffed. "Deathscythe can sustain less damage from the strongest blast those Mobile Suits could ever produce! A simple missile couldn't have made a single dent, unless-" 

"The Gundam's defense system was down." Heero finished for him. 

"A malfunction? It's possible, but Duo's communication log ain't found in the system. Did he tell you of any computer problems during the battle?" 

"Negative." 

"But you did stay in contact with Duo throughout?" 

"Yes." Heero answered as he climbed into Duo's cockpit. "I'm going to try something." Heero informed Howard as he closed Deathscythe's door. Shutting his eyes, he played back the conversation in his mind. He began to mimic Duo's actions, right up to the part before the missile had appeared on Heero's radar. Heero began to focus however, on a certain movement. 

_"There are too many of them, I know." Duo stated quietly, his violet eyes showing a brief flicker of fear. He grin faltered, but he resumed to smile._

"Why were you so scared?" Heero murmured. Moving his arm to where Duo's grin uncharacteristically faltered, Heero paused and opened his eyes. 

"Did ya find something?" Howard asked as Heero exited the Gundam. Heero barely acknowledged the man as he walked past him and began to climb down the ladder. "Heero!" 

"The computer had been hacked into," Heero stated, his voice in a cold monotone. "and I'm going to confront who did it." 

"Who?" Howard yelled from the rail. 

"The pilot." he said as he walked out the door. 

"Good morning, Wufei." Duo said as he yawned. Wufei picked Duo up in his arms and placed him gently into his wheelchair. 

"How are you feeling?" Wufei asked as he covered Duo's legs with a blanket. Duo shrugged and looked listlessly ahead. 

"Fine." 

"Dr. Beacon's office called this morning, you have an appointment tomorrow." Wufei informed him. He reached to release the brake of Duo's chair when he was caught by Duo's hand. 

"I'm sorry." he blurted out, his violet eyes staring down at dark brown. "For everything. I know that you probably hate me now that I've become so . . . weak. I'm useless." Duo scoffed at himself before continuing on. "I can't even take care of myself. I'm nothing but excess baggage now, a casuality of war. I don't want you to-" 

"Duo, I've never listened to anyone but myself, so I'm not listening to you now." Wufei interrupted as he stood behind Duo's chair. "When you are well, I'll go back to my mission. Never before. End of discussion." 

Wufei pushed Duo's wheelchair into the kitchen, partly relieved the worst part of the day was over. Each morning Duo would apologize and try to convince Wufei to leave and return to protecting his colony. Sometimes they would scream and yell at each other until Duo grew weak, and sometimes Wufei would storm off in frustration. But every encounter left both pilots drained, and each declaration that Duo made Wufei strive to prove him wrong. 

Wufei parked Duo's chair at the kitchen table opposite Quatre, who was currently staring at a year old paper, his eyes wide and unblinking. Wufei had a sinking suspicion that the blonde pilot even noticed what he was doing. Wufei casually walked by Quatre and merely slapped his arm. Automatically, the small Arabian blinked rapidly and reached for a nearby mug and began to sip on cold coffee that had been left in the cup the day before.

Trowa had arrived earlier that morning and was finishing the breakfast Wufei started. The tall pilot paused to take the cold cup from Quatre's hand and replaced it with fresh mug. 

"Time to wake up." Trowa informed him, a small smile crossing his face. 

"I am." Quatre half-whined. Trowa peered over Quatre's shoulder and pointed at the date on the paper. Quatre made a face and leaned over to place a kiss on Trowa's nose. Content at actually surprising the stoic pilot, Quatre yawned and continued to read the outdated paper. Realizing that Duo was sitting across from him, Quatre smiled. "Good morning Duo. I didn't know you were up yet. How are you feeling?" 

Quatre had expected Duo to grin at his actions and mimic his tone a little, probably by saying, _"Good morning, Qua-tre. I didn't know you were **alive**. How are you feeling?"_ Instead the long-haired teen looked up at Quatre and merely answered, "Fine." 

Duo began to pick at the food Wufei placed in front of him. The four pilots began to eat in silence. Suddenly the front door slammed open, crashing against the wall. The glass on the door breaking from the force of it. Trowa stood to go investigate when Heero walked swiftly into the kitchen. 

"Why?" Heero spat as he walked up to Duo, turning his wheelchair so that Duo was facing him. Heero grasped Duo's shoulders and began to shake him violently. "Why did you give up? What did you think you'd gain, huh?" Heero shouted, locking his gaze on Duo's eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Wufei yelled as he grabbed Heero's arm. Heero pushed the Chinese pilot into a nearby wall, the impact stunning him. Quatre and Trowa rushed to Duo's aid but were also thrown to the ground. 

"Answer me!" Heero shouted. 

"I didn't ask for this." Duo said through clenched teeth, his amethyst eyes filling with tears. "I just wanted . . ." 

"What did you want, Duo?" Heero yelled." 

"I wanted to die alone, ok!" Duo screamed back at him. Heero let go of Duo's shoulder's and fell back. The words hurt more than any injury he had ever earned in his life. Quatre clutched his chest as he felt the pain that radiated from both pilots, a pained cry escaped his throat. 

"I thought if I could never walk again that you guys would leave and disappear. If it wasn't that I had a rare disorder, you guys probably would have." Duo continued to yell, his voice becoming raspy. 

"You gave up long before this!" Heero shouted back. "The missile that hit Deathscythe could have easily been deflected or avoided! You did this to yourself! I want to know why!" 

The room became silent as the pilots stared at each other. Duo began to shake, his eyes fell to his lap. "I was scared, so scared." he whispered, his voice raspy. "I came close to losing you. I-I saw it in your eyes. I know how close your finger was to that button long before you even reached for it. And when you had changed your mind, I knew it wouldn't be for long." 

Heero sat on the floor, the hollow in his heart growing with each breath. Duo began to shake his head back in forth, as if to ward off the thoughts that entered his mind. "You are going to die in battle and I knew that I would be there to see it." he sobbed. Duo looked at Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre. "I would see you die too. Just like the others. I've seen so many people die, so many I've killed. . . that it mattered after all this time. . . that I loved . . . I-I thought that with my shields down that it would kill me. And in a way, it did." 

"You can't die!" Heero cried as clumsily stood. Tear flowed freely, the pain caused by Duo's words were too much for Heero to bear. He fell forward and wrapped his arms around Duo's waist. "I don't know what I would, . . . Duo." 

"Heero, I'm so sorry." Duo cried as he began to stroke Heero's hair. Heero pushed away from Duo and fell back, his blue eyes slowly began to dull. 

"I must regain control," Heero said as his voice slowly crept into monotone. He stood and began to leave the room. "Pain is bad. Hinders all missions. Must forget, must. . ." 

_But I can't. . . _

"Heero!" Quatre stood to catch the retreating pilot when stopped by Duo. An eerie smile crept across his face. 

"It's best this way. Let him go." he gasped as he lost consciousness, his body lurching forward in his chair. 

"Duo?" Wufei asked as he caught him. Feeling Duo's pulse, Wufei shouted, "Trowa, call an ambulance! Now!" 

Heero left the safehouse barely hearing the shouts behind him. He knew nothing of his destination, only that it was where his feet decided to take him, and not where he wanted to be. 

**To Be Continued**

**AN:** I apologize now, but I see Howard as a Kansan. I don't know why, it must be the clothes. There's something about a man in Kansas wearing khakis and a Hawaiian print shirt that seems funny to me (it happens, and it's funny). 

Have you seen a play called _Wit_? If you haven't you should, and if you have, you already spotted my send up to it. By the way, how are you feeling today? *giggle, giggle* Sorry for the angst! Happy, happy, joyness soon! I promise! When, I can not say. ^_^ 


	9. Part IX

Control

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. 

Author Warning: _ Shonen-ai, angst, and a little sap thrown in for measure._

****

Control  
by Anthy

Wufei walked briskly around the empy living room, throwing various articles of clothing into a duffel bag. His mind was reeling, he still did not know Duo's condition, or if he was even alive. After sitting in the waiting room for a half-hour and not hearing anything at all, he left to "gather Duo's things". It was either that or to strangle the next nurse he saw. If one more had walked up to him offering a seemingly sympathetic smile and telling him to wait for the doctor. . . 

He looked again at the darkened room with the television still on, static dominating most of the screen. The only source of light came from the television set, the lights creating eerie shadows on the faded walls. His memory flashed back to the first time he had stepped into this room. It had been in the same disarray, silent, and a lively staticy screen that showed nothing but scattered dots of black and white. Duo had been sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the edge of the couch. Wufei had seen in the darkness the light sheen of sweat that covered Duo's body, and that the pilot's shoulders were shaking from exhaustion. Even from his spot at the door, he could see the tears that rimmed Duo's violet eyes, refusing to spill over. 

From what he had gathered, the other pilots had left Duo alone, and as he tried to get in his wheelchair it had rolled backwards, causing Duo to fall. More injuries befell him, but Duo did not feel them. He had been like this for days, pushing himself around on his arms until they gave out. He was also very ill, and when Wufei had taken Duo to the hospital, it was then discovered Duo suffered a rare case of dysreflexia. If Wufei hadn't returned when he did, Duo's life could have been in danger. Since that day Wufei had not left the pilot's side. Duo had often asked him why, and Wufei could not answer. 

He couldn't really describe himself as Duo's friend; to become friends would be useless. Wufei was a pilot, and that's all he would be until the war ended. Why he would detract from his duty to his colony and help someone as reckless and loud as the American and if anything the energetic youth that had annoyed him to no end? 

Wufei reached under Duo's pillow and pulled out an over-folded piece of paper. Gingerly placing in the bag, Wufei left the room satisfied that he got everything that Duo would want when he gained consciousness. Leaving the safe house, he felt the crunch of broken glass at his feet, and made a note to fix that later. He turned to lock the door when he felt a hand tap his shoulder lightly. Snapping his body around, Wufei found himself to be standing face to face with Relena Peacecraft, causing her to jump back slightly.

She was uncertain of her coming here alone, but she knew that Heero would have been angry if she had others go to the safe house. On the other hand, Relena knew that Heero probably didn't know he had given her the address, he wasn't himself when she saw him last…

"Um, hello?" she stammered, her courage gaining as Heero flashed in her mind. "I was wondering. . ." 

Her voice trailed off as Wufei grunted and pushed his way past her. "If you are looking for Heero," he muttered angrily, "the bastard's not here." 

"I know that," she entreated as she quickly placed herself in Wufei's path, "but I would really like to know-" 

"Get out of my way." 

"Not until you tell me what is going on." she demanded. 

"I won't ask you again." Wufei snapped as he walked around her. She stood there watching his retreating form, a panic growing in heart. 

"Tell me what happened!" Relena screeched as she ran up to Wufei and grabbed the duffel bag on his arm. "Please? Something's wrong with Heero!" she paused as the Chinese pilot glared at her, "h-he's completely shut down. . . he just. . . I don't even think he knows what is going on around him. Pagan found him-" 

"Let go." he ordered, a threat clearly revealed in his voice. 

"No." she said, her voice challenging him to act on it. The two teens glared at each other, Relena's blue eyes never leaving Wufei's face. 

"Damnit, I don't have time for you!" he spat after a long moment of silence. "Duo could be dying for all I know and the last thing I need is to be pestered by-" 

"Oh my God!" Relena gasped, letting go of the bag. He took the opportunity to walk away when he felt her grab for the duffle again. "Where is he? Take me with you." she commanded in her most professional, 'You-would-be-so-wronged-in-disobeying-me' voice. 

"Shit." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Quatre looked around the waiting room and tossed the magazine in his hands to the floor. He stood and began to pace around the almost empty room. Everything seemed too surreal and nothing made sense; his empathy was no longer there, all he could feel were the emotions caused by himself. Leaning against a nearby wall with his eyes closed, he vainly tried to sense anything from the others. At least some indication that they were ok. Suddenly he felt a strong hand grab his shoulder. Trowa was standing in front of him, his face expressionless as always. It was his eyes, however. . . 

"Don't." Trowa stated in a low voice. 

"I was. . ." Quatre started, but he knew it to be useless. Sometimes he thought that Trowa might also be empathetic. In reality, the often stoic pilot just knew how to read people, sometimes even better than Quatre himself. Thinking of an explanation and not finding one, he stared into deep green eyes and sighed bitterly. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. The pain. . . I can't feel it. But I know it's there, Trowa." he said, his voice breaking. Quatre felt tears fall from his eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away. "The pain is everywhere. Everyone. And its because of this stupid war. . . I've felt so much, and I just can't describe. I was-" 

"By feeling other's pain," Trowa interrupted as he wiped a tear from Quatre's cheek; "does it help to understand?" 

Quatre sniffed back a sob and tilted his head so that it rested in Trowa's palm. Looking up at Trowa, staring into those green orbs, Quatre knew Trowa already knew his answer. "No," he smiled as he closed the space between them in a hug, "it doesn't."

"For a time I thought it would, but all it does is cause more questions." Quatre continued, his head resting on Trowa's chest. Trowa in turn wrapped his arms around Quatre's shoulders. They stayed that way for a long time, just holding each other, no words shared. "Can I ask you a question?" 

Trowa opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it as he heard footsteps rapidly approaching the room. He had just turned toward the entrance of the room when Relena came running in, her eyes spotting Quatre. 

"Quatre!" she cried in frustration. Feeling Wufei's glare behind her, she huffed before running to stand beside Quatre. "What's going on? He won't tell me anything." 

"It's not a matter for her to be concerned with." Wufei gruffly informed Quatre. 

"Well if not for me, for Heero!" she snapped, her voice directed squarely at the Chinese teen. He turned his nose up at her angrily and walked over to the opposite side of the room. "Quatre, what happened?" 

After casting a plea of understanding towards Wufei, Quatre slowly filled Relena in on the events of the past few weeks. She paled as she heard of the day's events. 

"Duo . . ." she breathed. Walking over to a nearby couch, she slowly lowered herself onto it. "Is he. . ." 

Relena stopped as a tall, young woman entered the room wearing hospital scrubs and a white lab coat. Quatre turned and walked towards the lady as she managed a weak smile. "He's in surgery right now," she said softly. 

"Mav. . .," Quatre stated, voice faltering at the doctor's nickname. "Dr. Beacon. What happened?" 

Dr. Beacon looked around the room, her mind praying that her professionalism stay in tact. Four pairs of young eyes stared up at her, all with a glimmer of hope that she could not give them. But not yet. "As you may know, Duo was diagnosed with Autonomic Dysreflexia." she informed the group. "We should have been more concerned, since Duo's spinal injury is below the common area of those with dysreflexia. We originally thought his to be one of the few rare cases. However, I do believe that the current positioning of his spine is not only affecting his spinal cord, but his circulation as well. 

"We are still unsure why. Either way, we went ahead with the procedure that we recommended to Duo long ago. It is going to be difficult, the swelling around his spine has increased greatly." 

"Will he be ok?" the blond girl asked. Dr. Beacon recognized her as Relena Peacecraft, but was confused to why she was there. 

"We have the best surgeons working on him right now," she assured the girl. "As for the outcome, I can not guarantee any promises until the surgery is over." 

Suddenly Quatre gasped and keeled over, his hands immediately clutching his chest. Trowa caught him and quickly placed him on the couch. Dr. Beacon rushed over to the boy and began to examine him. "No!" Quatre shouted as he pushed her hands away, his eyes wide with fear. Overhead the familiar chime of the PA system filled the room. 

"Code Blue, OR immediately. Repeat Code . . ." 

***************************************************************************** 

Heero sat in the dark room, his senses alert, but his mind slowly waking. He was ordered to stay here, but his objectives were yet to be revealed. He found that highly unusual, and his laptop was no were to be seen. Sizing up the room, Heero concluded that this was Relena's study. That could not be right. It made no sense. How did he get here? Did *she* give the order? What was the time? What day was it? 

Searching his memory, he remembered leaving the safe house on a mission. It was self-appointed, but what was it? 

"I must regain control. . . Pain is bad. Hinders all missions. Must forget, must. . ." 

He left to forget . . . what? Was the mission accomplished? It appeared so, but Heero felt lost. In fact, he felt awful. 

I feel awful? I know what *awful* feels like. Heero thought, his mind rejoicing. _But why?_

He heard laughter in his mind, and he relished in the memory. 

He was in a safe house; Duo was being as loud as usual. The long-haired teen was dancing in circles to music blaring from his headphones. Heero was sitting on his bed. He watched the other pilot spin and twirl until he collapsed from exhaustion. Thinking that Duo was done Heero resumed keying. Suddenly a hand clamped over his and pulled him off the bed. Duo managed to wrestle Heero into a waltz, dancing until Heero stepped on Duo's toes. Duo yelped and sat on Heero's bed, his laughter bouncing off the walls. Heero stared absently at the pilot, his confusion probably evident on his face. Duo grinned and leaned forward on the edge of the bed, his violet eyes staring up at him. 

"You know what Heero? You can't dance." Duo laughed lightly. "And I think as much as I say it, I don't believe it. Deep down you are probably pretty damn human. You're not a machine. A robot could've matched me step for step; you tripped all over the place. I threw you off, surprised ya. Thus proves you have feelings. You can feel, either you just don't feel it or you don't know what feelings feel like. That doesn't make sense, yet it does. Or maybe you feel everything but ignore it too. I hope that one day that you will." 

Duo understood, he always had. Every mission Duo tried to get Heero out of his shell, and he never seemed to be defeated when he failed. Or maybe Duo never failed at all.

I made Duo cry. His mind screamed. He suddenly remembered this morning. Heero saw it as if watching a movie. He was shaking Duo, throwing the other pilots to the ground if they interfered. 

I was angry because Duo wanted to die. 

Heero thought back to the argument. 

"I've seen so many people die, so many I've killed. . . that it mattered after all this time. . . that I loved . . . I-I thought that with my shields down that it would kill me.

"I came close to losing you. I-I saw it in your eyes. I know how close your finger was to that button long before you even reached for it. And when you had changed your mind, I knew it wouldn't be for long." 

"It was my fault." he murmured. 

Heero jumped from his seat and left the room. Leaving Relena's house, he ran quickly to the safe house. Once inside, the house was eerily empty. He ran through the house, opening the doors, looking for someone. The kitchen was a mess, food from this morning still on the table. Duo's wheelchair was still in the living room. Reaching his room, Heero sat on the bed and looked absently at his laptop. The green screen flashed madly, and Heero walked over to retrieve the message. There was a mission, albeit a small one. He was about to accept it when Duo's name crossed his mind. He couldn't leave yet; he had to apologize. Closing his laptop, Heero left the safe house and ran back to Relena's. He hoped that maybe she could pass the message along for him. Reaching the door, Heero could hear his name being frantically called inside.

He opened the door and walked inside. "Relena?" he called. She came running down the stairs, tears streaming down her face. Relena clutched onto Heero tightly, sobbing loudly, her words incoherent and frantic. "What's wrong? Relena!" 

"I'm so sorry." she sobbed as she looked into Heero's eyes. "It's Duo." 

TBC 

**AN:** _I still think I could've done better with this chapter, *sigh*. Or am I being too hard on myself? Anyhoot, Chapter 10'll be a lot better, promise. ~Anthy _


	10. Part X

"What's wrong? Relena!" Heero demanded again as he gripped Relena's shoulders tightly. 

"I'm so sorry." she sobbed as she looked into Heero's eyes. "Duo's in the hospital, they don't know if he's going to make it." 

_*Two Hours Later*_

Heero sat in the dimly lit room, acutely aware of his surroundings. It almost appeared that time had taken a giant leap backward. The sounds that surrounded him remained the same. The rhythmic hiss and beep of various instruments, the appearance of familar nurses. Duo himself seemed to revert back to the day he had arrived to the hospital. He laid there lifelessly on the small bed, various tubes and cords attached to his body. His skin was pale, and as Heero reached to touch his hand, he was surprised by the warmth that radiated from it. 

"He's dead," he whispered into the silence, parting the limp fingers in his grasp. Not once did Duo respond to his touch, no indications of life at all. The machines were lying to him--Duo wasn't breathing, the machines were. The body on the bed was not the Duo he knew, and it hurt. "Duo's gone." 

He felt a hand clamp on his shoulder, but he did not acknowledge the owner. It did not matter anymore. "Heero, he is alive." 

"You lie." he spat as he felt the now familiar sensation erupt from inside him. Not caring, he allowed the feeling to spill over, and the tears immediately fell. 

"Duo's in a coma, Heero." the voice urged, pulling him into a hug. Soothing sounds were heard, and he relaxed under the soft tune. Memories of a woman holding him as a child flashed across his mind, and he felt comfort among all of the pain that surrounded him. "He'll wake up soon." 

"Dr. Beacon said that it is his body's way of recovering from the stress of the surgery." Quatre explained from the other side of the room, his head resting lightly on Trowa's shoulder. Heero hid in the sanctuary of Relena's arms like a small child, his hand still holding Duo's. 

"Will he be ok?" Trowa asked Quatre. The blond pilot was exhausted and withdrawn from this week's events. 

"I can't read him, he's feeling a lot of things right now." he answered. "He's strong, I have faith that he'll pull through." 

"And Duo?" 

"Same thing." He replied as he stood to walk over to the foot of Duo's bed. 

"It's time to go." Wufei said suddenly from the edge of the doorway, his eyes averted to the hallway. 

"What?" Relena asked. 

"We have to leave. There are missions that we have left unfinished." 

Trowa and Quatre nodded and began to walk out of the room. 

"What about Duo? Aren't you worried about him?" Relena asked Heero's retreating form. 

"We can't be concerned with him now," Heero murmured, his voice lifeless and dull. "The doctors will tend to him now." 

"No, no, you're not going back!" Relena said almost desperately, reaching out for Heero's arm. She turned to the other three pilots standing at the door. "Why must you go in the first place? Just stop this madness before it destroys you all!" 

"We have no choice," Wufei countered irritably, "the longer we stay here and wait for Duo to recover, the easier it gets for the Earth to tighten their control of our colonies. Why should we be concerned about one little life when thousands of lives depend on us being there?" 

"Who are you to decide who lives and dies? You shouldn't be killing at all!" 

"It is not for me to decide! They brought this on themselves! Do you think I enjoy this, Miss Peacecraft? I used to believe in the fairy-tale called pacifism, but it's just a bunch of childish nonsense." 

"Don't take that tone with me! If you want to know how I feel-" 

"SHUT UP!!" Quatre shouted, dropping to the floor. He clutched his hands to his chest and began to sob. "No, please. . . " 

"Quatre?" 

"I can't take anymore, so tired, I'm so tired of this." he murmured, his voice almost identical to the pilot lying on the hospital bed. The room fell silent as Quatre muttered incoherently to himself. 

"What is he. . .?" Relena began to ask when Heero suddenly moved. 

"It's Duo." He said, rushing to Quatre's side to glance quickly at the machine monitoring Duo's heart. The number began to decrease steadily. 

"He can hear us." Quatre said weakly, his own voice also fading. "He's sorry for all the trouble he's caused-" 

"Duo wants to leave." Heero said. 

"Talk to him," Quatre whispered before erupting into a series of coughs. "He's not listening to me. If anything he's mad that I won't let him go." 

Trowa pushed Heero aside to feel Quatre's pulse. It was as weak as Duo's. 

"We don't have much time." Trowa stated to Heero. 

"I don't know what to say." 

"It doesn't matter, just say something!" Quatre hissed between clenched teeth. Trowa helped him to his feet and assisted the blond pilot to stand by Duo's bed. Heero nodded before walking over to grip Duo's hand. 

"Duo, it's Heero." he whispered. "We're not mad at you, just worried. You have to come back, Deathscythe's starting to miss you." 

"Yeah," Wufei added from the doorway, "don't worry about a thing, work on getting better." 

Relena watched as the four Gundam pilots surrounded Duo's bed and began to talk to him. She watched as they each had something to say to their fallen comrade, how they truly cared for his well being. It was the first time that she had seen them work as a team, and not on their own. Suddenly, Quatre exhaled and went limp. Trowa was ready to catch him, and he ushered him to a chair. 

"Quatre!" Relena gasped. 

"He's fine." Trowa stated after a few agonizing seconds. "They both are." 

"I just need a moment to rest." the blond pilot rasped as he sunk deeper into the chair. Wufei and Heero kept their vigil at Duo's bedside, both noting the improvement of Duo's pulse. 

"Let's go." Wufei finally stated thirty minutes later. Dr. Beacon had been in to examine Duo, and her prognosis was reassuring. Now that the pilots knew that there was nothing left for them to do, they had no choice but to leave. They had a job to complete. 

The Chinese Gundam pilot turned his head toward Relena's direction, challenging her to object. She held his gaze for a moment, but eventually allowed him to win. No matter how she felt about this war, she realized that they were beyond her control. They fought to control the future on their own. Somehow, they banded together when they learned they could not. She respected that. 

"Relena, watch over him for me." Heero stated from the doorway. Before she could answer, the four pilots were gone. Turning her attention to the form in the bed, she smiled. To her, he was a stranger. No knowledge of his past, his personality, or his convictions; but that did not matter. This pilot had found a way into Heero's heart. This was the pilot Heero loved. 

"I guess it's you and me for awhile, huh?" she whispered. "I hope we can be friends." 

***************************************************************** 

_*TWO WEEKS LATER*_

"Hey Duo, how are you feeling?" Relena asked as she entered Duo's room, her arms filled with bags. "I brought some mangas from Hilde and a new plant for the room." 

She began to place the items about the room, continuing to talk to Duo. He remained silent, but she wasn't expecting much from him today. She was pleased to see less and less of the tubes and machines each day. 

"I heard from Heero today. He's doing fine." she said, placing the small potted plant on Duo's bed stand. His still form ignored her as usual, but she continued chatting. 

"Can I ask you something? I know we can't really be considered friends and all, but I have to know. Do you care for Heero? I mean, do you love him?" she asked as she turned to grab the styrofoam pitcher to water the various plants she had scattered among the room. She heard Duo's voice from behind her. It was slurred and weak; it could barely be interpeted as a whisper. 

"Heeeerrrroooo. . ." 

Relena grinned, but didn't deter from her task of watering the plants. She knew well enough not to get her hopes up for every sound that comes from Duo's bed--at least not yet. The first time Duo had said something, she ran to the nurses' station in joyful tears. She only came to learn that his condition was still the same. He wasn't awake, and he wouldn't be for some time. 

"But I heard him!" she had protested, but the nurse only smiled. 

"I bet you did." the woman said. "Duo's still gone, but at least we know he's on his way back." 

She had later learned that Duo was in the waking stages of a coma. Sometimes it took days, even weeks to fully gain consciousness. 

Finishing the task at hand, Relena returned to Duo's bed. 

"I shouldn't be telling you all this," she whispered, "but he's fallen in love with you. No surprise, really. You were his first friend, and you helped pull him out of his shell somehow. I have to thank you for that. Don't worry, I'm not jealous or anything; but if you hurt him I'll have to break my vow and kill you." 

"Kill?" he softly repeated. She smiled warmly and kissed his forehead. 

"They say you'll be awake soon. Isn't that great? I have to go away on business, but when I come back, you better be awake so that we can have a civilized conversation." 

"Pffffftttt." 

***************************** 

_*Two Days Later*_

Pain. Duo was surrounded by it. He tried to lift his arm to block the intense white that exploded into patterns of the rainbow. He blinked, wondering why, he thought of pain in colors. 

"It'll just be another second, Duo." a soft voice cooed. "Can you follow the light for me?" 

"Follow it?" his mind screamed angrily, but he found it difficult to speak. Somehow, a slurred verison of his thought mangaged to emit from his throat. The woman chuckled, and then the light was gone. 

"Don't worry about it, you're doing fine." she said. "Do you know who I am?" 

Duo blinked, waiting for the colorful stars to fade. "Mav-Mavis." he rasped, suddenly realizing how thirsty he really was. As if on cue, a straw was placed between his lips. He drank the cool water before directing his attention to the ceiling. Dr. Beacon began to ask him a series of questions, most of which he found difficult to answer. It frustrated him, he knew he should know it, but it was like his memory was still waking up. His head ached, his arms felt like at ton of lead, and he felt the most annoying tingling sensation at the base of his right foot. The sensation was worse on his left leg. 

"I can't concentrate," he grumbled. He winced at the slurred sound of his voice. 

"You're doing great Duo," she said. 

"The pins and needles are bugging me." 

"Pins and needles?" 

"You know when you sit still for a long time and you leg falls asleep? Then you stand up and the blood falls down and it feels like hot pins and needles running up and down your leg." 

"Duo-" 

"Up and down, all around-" 

"Where are the pins?" 

"A little on my right foot, my whole left leg. How long have I been out of it? Man, Quatre must've freaked and sent me here during a nap or something. No, I was in the middle of a fight with someone. Hah! He probably knocked me out again." Duo rambled on as Dr. Beacon reached to the end of the bed. She took the tip of her pin against the ball of his foot. "He has a habit of doing that-ow! Why'd you do that?" 

"Your legs are waking up," she gasped. 

"That's nice," Duo yawned before drifting off to sleep. 

***************************** 

_*One Month Later*_

"No more." Duo groaned as he pulled his sheet over his face. 

"Come on, your brain's been on vacation. We have to make sure it's fully awake." Hilde scolded, grabbing the pillow and hit him with it. 

"But," he whined, "flashcards?" 

Hilde grinned. "Doctor's orders." 

"My brain's fine. I've read those flashcards front to back, upside down, and in five different languages!" he complained. "Now what about the rest of my body?" 

"They want your back to heal more." Hilde said calmly. Duo sighed and looked at the ceiling. He was still unable to move due to the massive brace that was strapped to his entire back. The foam brace around his neck made the slightest motion difficult. 

"But Hilde, my body's waking up!" he pleaded. "Lying here is just going to put it back to sleep again." 

"Duo," Hilde sighed, knowing what he was going to say next. 

"I can't wait to be on my own two feet again." he mused. 

"Duo-" she started, only to be ignored as Duo began to list out his plans after his release from the hospital. The more optimistic he became, the more pessimistic his actual outlook seemed. 

"Granted it'll be months from now, but-" 

"Duo!" she snapped before bursting into tears. 

"I'm sorry." he murmured. 

"No, don't." she said, sniffling. "It's just that. . . I'm afraid that you're getting your hopes up. We don't know if this 'feeling' your having is permanent. You still can't even wiggle your toes." 

"That was last week." Duo grinned, wiggling his left foot. Hilde giggled through her tears. Duo smiled and placed his hand on her arm. "I still have to try." 

"Sorry about the burst of emotion." she apologized. 

"Eh," Duo shrugged as the phone rang. Hilde picked it up and placed it by Duo's ear. "Hey, Relena! How's Sanq?" 

"Things are doing well here. I wish I could visit you." 

"Don't worry. Hilde's taking good care of me." Duo said as he watched Hilde walk in the direction of the bathroom. "Heard from Heero lately?" 

"Nothing yet, sorry." 

************************************************** 

_*3 weeks later*_

Mavis Beacon walked warily to her office. Entering the small room, she didn't bother with the lights. Lying down on the soft, leather couch in the corner of the room, she closed her eyes. She let her mind wander, knowing deep down sleep would not be possible until the end of her shift. 

"Dr. Beacon." a deep voice invaded her mind. Jumping, she scrambled from the couch to turn on the desk lamp while reaching for her sharp letter opener. 

"Heero!" she exclaimed, dropping the opener and sat behind her desk. "You scared me." 

"How is Duo?" he asked. 

"He's resting." she informed him as she tossed Duo's medical records in his direction. He opened the file and began to read as if he was another doctor himself. "I've never seen someone work as hard as Duo has." she continued. Heero had been visiting periodically during the past few months, mostly for minutes at a time. He'd learn of Duo's status and disappear, Mavis was pretty accustomed to that now. "It's been his second week in Physical Therapy and he can walk with assistance. That usually takes months, even years to accomplish." 

"Hn." he grunted, handing the folder to her. "When can he be released?" 

"Tomorrow." she said, leaning back in her chair. "He'll be staying with his friend Hilde for the remainder of his therapy sessions. Would you like her address?" 

"No." he stated and began to walk out of the room. "We will meet again." 

************************************************ 

"Can you make it inside?" Hilde asked as she pulled Duo's bags from the "borrowed" van. 

"Yeah, yeah." Duo mumbled as he slowly made his way out of the van. Leaning heavily on the walker given to him, he ambled over to walkway, those few steps virtually draining all of his energy. "Man, I can't wait to get rid of this thing." 

"Don't go overdoing it." Hilde warned as she unfolded his wheelchair from the trunk and put Duo in it. "You may end up back in the hospital. Or worse, in this chair permanently." 

"Mavis says I have to practice." Duo pouted as Hilde pushed the chair up the makeshift ramp. 

"And not to wear yourself thin." she scolded through laughter. "Duo, I've been thinking. When you regain full use of your legs, are you going to pilot Deathscythe again?" 

"I hope so." he answered quietly. "I thought about that a lot. For every reason for me not to fight, there are two more reasons why I should. It's easy to give up, but it takes a lot of strength not to." 

"Aren't you afraid?" she asked, squeezing his shoulder. "I am." 

"I'd rather **live** than live in fear." he said softly. "Fear is the hardest thing to control, but it's the only emotion that we don't need." 

"And who taught you that?" 

"No one." Duo shrugged. "I just know someone who has lived without fear most of his life and he seemed fine until I went and had to scare him." 

"You taught him other emotions too." 

"Yeah, didn't mean to though. Now he's probably a big softie." 

"I wouldn't say that." Hilde trailed off as she lead him into the kitchen. Heero was sitting at the kitchen table. "But pretty close." 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Who? Him? That's just your new physical therapist." Hilde said, "Don't mess with him much, I got shot at twice since he moved in here." 

"How long ago was that?" 

"Yesterday." Heero said. He stared at the wheelchair and glared at Hilde. She smiled and ducked out of the room. "I thought you can walk." 

"I can when she's not in the room." Duo said, smiling. "Help me up." 

Heero walked over and extended both of his arms. Duo reached for them and unsteadily stood up. Heero began to walk backward, and Duo followed. Duo watched his own legs in facsination, he still found it hard to believe anything. He now took everything face value, putting the past far behind him. Looking up to grin at Heero's face, Duo was greeted to the sight of tears running down his friend's face. 

"It's funny," Heero said. "I'm happy yet I'm able to cry. Emotions are so inconsistant." 

"I know." Duo chuckled, reaching to wipe a tear away. Heero caught Duo's wrist so that his hand remained at his cheek. 

"Since I'm not good with emotions I guess you should know that I'm scared to tell you that I love you, at least I think that's what it is." 

Duo blinked. "Hmm. . . you think, that I-um, you think?" 

"I'm being honest." he said. 

"Now I get it!" Duo exclaimed, and after a little manuvering produced a over-creased scrap of paper from his pocket. "When I got this letter at the hospital, I just couldn't make heads or tails of it. It just wasn't something that you would do, you know? But I kept it anyway, I always wanted to ask you why, but I don't have to now. 

"Unless you want to do the whole sappy 'I like you', 'Do you like me?' thing?" Duo asked, a devilish grin on his face. "Then it would follow with: 'Yes! I love you!', 'You do?', 'I'm not worthy, you could do better. Like, with a girl' mess. Then we'd pine for each other so Quatre or Hilde can play matchmaker and so on, and so on." 

Heero laughed as Duo continued on his melodramatic take of romance before quickly kissing Duo on the cheek. 

"You see? Wasn't that easy?" Duo mused, returning the kiss. 

"No." Heero joked as he took the letter from Duo's hand. Unfolding the letter, he read it. "I wrote this?" 

"You don't remember?" Duo asked as he pretended to be hurt. 

"I do. I do . . .but was I acting this weird?" 

"You still are." Duo laughed as he wrapped his arms around Heero's waist. 

"The letter was to be taken literally." he instructed, tossing the paper in the direction of the table. 

"I know. I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing." 

Duo laughed. "So what do we do about it then?" 

"I don't know." 

"Well, for starters," Duo started before falling forward into Heero's arms. "I need a chair." 

Heero picked Duo up and gently placed him back into his wheelchair. Before Heero could stand, Duo whispered, "I think I love you too." 

Later that evening, while Hilde was cleaning the room, she noted a piece of paper underneath the table. Grinning, she picked it up and read it. 

_"Get well, love Heero."_

********************************************** 

_*Some time later*_

Heero sat at his console as he read the various readouts on the screen. He had grown accustomed to his new job after the war, monitoring the current politicians and military leaders. The current data was not promising, and he knew what had to be done. 

"It's Christmas, still working?" Duo taunted as he leaned against the doorway. Easily gliding toward Heero's direction, he casually drapped and arm around Heero and peered over his shoulder. Heero began to relay what he found before grabbing his jacket and walking out of the room. 

"Where are you going?" Duo asked. He knew the second he had returned from space with Quatre that Heero had returned to his old habits as a solider, and he knew better not to stop him. 

"Relena's been kidnapped." Heero informed from the doorway before running in the direction of the loading bay. 

"Anything for the one you love." Heero heard Duo's comment echo down the hallway. Heero guessed that Duo was still sore from the near kiss he had almost shared with Relena. Spinning on his heel, he ran back into the room and grabbed Duo by the arm. "I need you." 

"So, we in this together?" Duo asked, firmly planting his feet on the floor, a sly smile on his face. Heero nodded as Duo pulled him close so that their faces were only inches apart. Brushing his lips lightly across Heero's, Duo grinned. "Let's go."

**Author's Note/Apology:**  
I'm so, so sorry it took so long (8 months, eep) to finish this! Well, this is the slap dash ending to Control. I'm sorry if it sucks (I'm a bit disappointed with it myself). It is not how I intended it to end, I was going to have it more drawn out and angsty, but I thought that it would be best to just end it and move on to brighter things. I left a lot of questions unanswered, so for now I'm leaving that up to the reader to decide. I may eventually write a follow up to it, or a full-scale rewrite, but only time will tell. I must say, not too shabby for my first GW fic, huh? Looking back at this fic now, you can obviously tell my only knowledge of GW was through the Internet. What can I say, I learned about GW in college and we didn't have the Cartoon Network. I apologize for the characterization errors, grammar errors, etc. Comparing this to my newer stories and you can really tell the difference. Please! Review, and let me know what you think. *HUG* ~Anthy 


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